literature

My Life

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Literature Text

This is my story:

Lets start with my name, it's Jamie. Nice to meet you! I am 34 years ancient, which I suspect explains why I'm so mental. I was adopted when I was 5, and although I had problems, I was soon to discover just how bad things could get.

Read on.

I'll cut to the chase, and leave out the not so interesting things. My adoptive parents were, and are, spineless, evil, cowards, and my dad is...well, a sick man.  Sadly, he is also a minister...go figure. By the time I was 8, my parents had no further use for me because I wasn't a girl (sick), and because my sisters no longer liked me. I had the same problems a lot of you guys do and did, no self esteem, kids treated me horribly in school and church. I got beat up a lot until I turned 10 and started fighting back. Then I got punished. For defending myself. because my parents were "Pillars of the community" and I made them look bad.  No love lost there, I assure you. My sisters got new clothes every year, I had to make do until the school called and complained. Seriously. I went 3 years without a new pair of shoes. When my sisters did something wrong, they basically got let off with words. When I did the same thing, or things like it, I got punished 3 times as bad. Their reasoning was thus "It will teach you to not be like them". My point of view was thus "Maybe if you punish them, THEY won't be that way". They didn't listen then, they don't listen now.

Moving along.

Age 10. Jamie discovers drugs. Jamie embraces drugs. Jamie remembers the drugs but not much else until age 15. If you can think of it, I probably did it. I even invented drugs for my own personal use. Then I hit rock bottom. I was stealing to pay for drugs, I was so out of control that I would walk up to my parents and just punch them. My parents, the lovely people that they were, refused to admit that there was anything wrong, because that, again, made them look bad. Finally, I got myself arrested on purpose, I put my life in the hand so of the law, so that I could get out of that house, out of that life. So I could start over. So I could live. Because, you see, I had already attempted to kill myself twice. Someone had plans for me. I failed. Thank God.

Anyway, the courts realized that I was totally fucked up, and that my parents were, in a word: stupid. The state of Alabama PAID to send me to rehab, but not just any rehab, a wilderness program. I got the opportunity to not just get clean, but to learn how to LIVE, with kids just like me. It took a year and a half living in the woods on the side of a mountain, but it finally worked. And my parents and I have never gotten along since. As far as I am concerned, they gave up all their rights to me 18 years ago. And they know it. Tough love baby.

Moving on.
I joined the US Navy in 1993. I needed that kind of environment, the discipline. Those 4 years of my life were to profoundly change me, even though I didnt realize it until much later. I got shot, 3 times, while on active duty, in three different parts of the world. Somalia. Bosnia. Haiti. It was during my second year that I first hurt my back. Unknown to anyone, my back NEVER healed, and in July of 2004, disaster struck. I tore the lowest disc in my spine, and the fluid in it got out. 5 years later, I now have 4 damaged discs, three damaged vertebrae, arthritis in my spine, pelvis, and my ribs. I have acid scoring on my spinal column. I live in constant pain 24 hours a day. 4 years ago, the doctors decided there was nothing they could do. They gave up. "You wont be walking much longer, or working, you will be in a wheelchair within a decade, your life is over", they said.

They obviously didn't know who they were talking to. You tell ME that I can't do something, and thats just a personal challenge. I'd rather die than give you the satisfaction of being right. But see, they WERE right. What I have done SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE. The normal rules don't apply to me. I ignore them. My doctor told me  that I was a walking medical miracle. And he is right. My whole life, what it has become, is a miracle.

Lets backtrack.

In 2001, I met Sue, and it turns out she was a gift from the God that so many don't believe in. Without her, I wouldn't have made it. I needed someone elses strength after 2004, I couldn't go it alone. We were married in 2003, and within the next three weeks, our child, Taylor Alexis, will be born. But it came so close to not happening. In July of this year, Sue was ordered to bed by her doctors, due to complications. They didn't think she could carry Taylor long enough for her to be born safely. The weeks crept by, we counted the days. We needed to get to 32 weeks for Taylor to have a real fighting chance. Without those of you who were my watchers then, I wouldn't have made it. your prayers, your support, gave me the strength I needed to give Sue the strength she needed. We are past the danger now, Taylor can be born at any time, and she is safe. Sue is safe. We are safe. We have had a couple close calls since July, but we have made it.

*Taylor Alexis was born on November 26, 2008, and she is the greatest gift I have ever received. :)

Here is what sets me apart from so many: I believe. In myself, in any and everything. I KNOW that all things are possible. I've lived it. I never give up, even though I do come close. I don't give in. I have the courage of conviction, and this makes me strong. But most importantly, I have made just about every mistake a person can make, and I have LEARNED from them, even though it sometimes took me a while to realize it. I REMEMBER where I've been, who I've been, and while I am ashamed of the things I have done in this life, they are what made me who i am today, and forever. I have lost everything, and gained even more. I do not deserve the bad things that have happened to me, and I don't deserve the good things. The good things, I have EARNED.

My writing encompasses many things, and I have lived them all. I have a deep understanding of myself, and the world I live in. I write what I know, what I feel, I can't write something I don't know. As for how I connect with so many different types of people, so easily, I really can't tell you that, it's simply my gift, it's why I am here, to help, to hold, to heal, to teach, to relate, to be a friend to anyone in need. I know about friendship and what it means, and about family and what it means, at least, what it should mean. I will NEVER tell you what you MUST do, only what you should. I have seen many paths in life, and by trial and error, know which ones to follow, and which ones to avoid. I share that freely, I ask nothing in return, because that is whats RIGHT. I am fair. I believe in justice, the quicker, the better. I do not believe in failure, I don't even understand failure. I refuse to fail. The only thing in this world that can beat me is me.. And I will not beat myself. I will stand. I will fight. I will not break. Because that is not who I am.

The story of my life is in my poems and songs, and I feel that these words describe me best:

"Here I am, I am just a man who sings. I am hope, I am faith, I have the strength to believe". There is rhythm to my life that I can't begin to understand, but it works, maybe only because I believe it will. Thats what makes me different.

I BELIEVE.

To those of you who made it this far, I thank you. I hope that these words have helped you to understand me, to get to know me. Please know this, I consider you all my friends, even if I don't watch you, because everyone who reads my work becomes a part of me, forever. Some of you are so special to me, that I really can't explain it, and you know who you are. In fact, most of you can be found at the bottom of every journal I post. You are my brothers and sisters. I have learned that blood doesnt matter, it's what you feel that does. And what I feel is love, for you all. It is strong. It is undying. It is me, because I give you all I am in everything I write. I can do no less. And I expect no less from you. Do as I do, use your words, or whatever art form you choose, to set yourself free.

But most of all: BELIEVE.

With love,

Jamie

jlp October 31, 2008-Revised August 30, 2009
My watchers voted for me to do this, well, most of them did, there were a fair number who think I'm crazy. :XD:

It's my life, who I am, why I write, why I understand.
:heart:

*I will be re-submitting this every couple of months for my new watchers to read, so that any questions you have can be answered. :)
© 2008 - 2024 TheseKrimzonFlames
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brooke-jasmine's avatar
one simple word.
wow..

and perhaps some more words...

I BELIEVE. If nothing else, it's one thing I do too.
Believe in life, in love, in yourself, in your dreams, that good can come from bad situations, that there IS a reason for you to be HERE on this planet....


Thank you for sharing.

:heart: