Epic

   Epic

In the begining,
There was pain
(There was pain...)
In the begining,
There was shame
(So much shame...)

There was anger!
There was rage!
It was like living,
Inside of a cage!
It was a life...
Of love betrayed!
Full of dismay!
Of debts...prepaid...

It was lonely...
Always so quiet...
But I was too young!
To understand!
There was no way,
For me to fight it...

Solace seeking...
But there was no saving grace...
And yet there was a freedom,
So many never get to taste
There was a feeling of power!
A feeling of control!
And once you've had it in your grasp,
You can never let it go...

Self-indulgence!
Followed by self-denial,
Made every single day,
My own personal trial
Somehow it fades away...
Even though it takes a while...

Somewhere in the middle,
I began to think!
There had to be more to life!
Than dangling on the brink,
Of a perfect disaster...
Grip slipping...faster...

There was love,
That's what I was taught!
But whenever I loved,
Pain was all I got!
I learned the difference...
Between who to be...
And who I was not!
But misery was all it brought!

You don't understand me...
You don't understand!
I feel I'm living wickedly...
It's all part of your plan!
You want to destroy me...
Take away everything I am!

But what you failed to realize,
Is that behind this disguise,
Was a person who could see,
The difference between you,
And what I saw to be reality!
I swear it made my soul bleed!
I learned to choose between,
My wants and my needs...

Seasons turn, seasons pass,
Sometimes it seems that the pain I feel,
Is the only thing that lasts
Daybreak comes, daybreak goes,
Where I'll be tomorrow...
No-one knows...

Somewhere in the future,
When I wanted to die,
I met someone,
Who would look me in the eyes...
Who would listen and hear...
Someone who from that point on,
I have kept so near...
Someone so dear!

Passion and pain, they rule me,
They make me who I am...
One or the other causes me days,
When it's so hard to stand...
But they will not destroy me!
Because I believe!

I have fallen...
Further than I ever...
Knew one could fall...
And I have risen...
From those depths...
Above it all...
Broken...and bruised...
Bloody...and abused...

Do you understand?
My life has not been kind...
Sometimes I feel!
Like I'm losing my mind...
One step forward...
A million more behind!

(But a fire simmers deep within...)
(Never going out...)
(Never giving in...)
Somewhere inside of me!
Is what's left of,
Who I used to be!
I leave it there...buried away...
And there it can stay!

Through the sorrow and the heartache,
I go on!
Even when I think,
That all hope is gone!
There is always a new day,
I wait...it won't be long...

I burn! I burn!
For every time I was wronged!
I search! I pray!
To find where I belong!
I remember everything,
That life, now I've left it!
This is my life...
My own personal epic!

jlp March 3, 2009-Revised May 7, 2009